Hidden God

Scrolling through Twitter yesterday I saw a tweet 

that was referencing 

the school shooting in Newtown. 

It was to Dave Ramsey, 

a well known Christian finance guy. 

The tweet said, "Where is your God now?" 

Dave had a great answer that spoke no words of hate. 

The question made me sad, 

but I realized that there are probably 

tons of people asking that same question.

"Where was God?"

I have no doubt

 that God was right where He was suppose to be.

I believe that He was there in the school. 

I believe He was in the classrooms and hallways. 

I believe that He spoke courage to the hearts of the teachers, 

and wrapped love around those sweet babies. 

I also believe He was with those that were lost. 

I believe He was there to welcome them home. 

I believe that He took them all in His arms 

and led them out of harms way. 

Where He took them they will have no more hurt or tears. 

They will forever be in the presence of Jesus. 

Some people believe that tragic events like this prove there is no God. 

I think that it proves the exact opposite. 

I believe it shows that we are all searching for something bigger than us;

something to guide and protect us. 

I know that God can use anything for His glory. 

I do not understand why this happened to these people. 

I cannot see the big picture, 

but I trust in my God. 

I trust that He has a plan. 

I trust that He will never leave those that love Him. 

God promised us that we would have hard times, 

but He also promised that He would be there through it all. 

So in hard times I turn to Him. 

I pray for His love and peace be with those that have lost so much. 

I pray that through this lives are changed. 

I pray that we learn that hate will not heal our wounds.

I pray that there is love sparked in our hearts for our brothers and sisters.

*Picture found on Google 

Retreat

My last few weekends have been great. 

They have been full of family, friends, and food.

I have been to 2 very important high school foot ball games, 

and 1 fantastic wedding. 

I have visited with family and ran into old friends. 

For about 3 weeks I have not stopped. 

I have had a great time,

but I am pooped. 

I slept almost all day. 

I have not spoken to anyone. 

I just laid around and rested. 

And it has been fantastic. 

It just reminds me how important it is to rest. 

I mean think about it,

Even Jesus retreated to the mountains. 

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break my bones 

but words will never hurt me."

That saying may be one of the biggest lies I have ever heard.

Words can hurt.

Words have power to damage and destroy.

Sometimes those hurts can last a life time. 

But words also have the power to heal and bring hope.

Let's think about it.

God spoke the world into existence.

In Genesis we are told that God said,

 "Let there be...." and there was.

In Proverbs it is said, "The tongue has the power of life and death."

(Proverbs 18:21 NIV)

That is a lot of power found just in spoken words.

Our world is full of hate today.

The words that are being spoken are hateful.

What is really sad is that very often 

it is the words of God's people that are fueling hate. 

As followers of Christ, 

our words should be set apart from the words of the world.

Ephesians 4: 29 says, 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, 

but only what is helpful for building others up 

according to their needs, 

that it may benefit those who listen."

In my job I have an opportunity to speak

 words of encouragement into the lives of many.

What God is revealing to me is that,

 outside of my counseling moments,

in other aspects of my life I am not so careful with my words.

I am not always speaking word of life and truth.

My prayer for myself is that 

I not be a person that speaks words of destruction into the lives of others, 

but to speak words of love that inspire change and dreams. 

What kind of words are you saying to others?

Are you speaking words of hope or hurt?

A Change of Perspective

As you may know from reading my last couple of blog post,

I have been struggling with fear and anxiety. 

I usually don't like people to know that I am struggling, 

but since I were my emotions on my sleeves,

 it is not hard to notice. 

 Over the last couple of days I have felt pretty hopeless, 

so I finally opened up to my friend. 

(of course she had already figured it out)

I told her that one reason I hold things in

 and try to look like I have it all together

 is because of my past. 

I know that my family has worried about me enough for 2 lifetimes. 

I don't want them to ever have to worry that I may go back to using drugs. 

(My family has never said anything to make me think this)

So my friend asked me "Do you ever think about using?"

With just that question everything got put into perspective. 

The answer to that question is NO. 

Absolutely and honestly NO!!!

God freed me from my addiction. 

I walked away and will not look back. 

The only thing I think of is pain and regret. 

So where was the perspective change? 

I am so glad you asked. 

God saved me from a life of misery. 

I went from wanting to die to being excited about living. 

He did for me what I could never do for myself. 

If He can get me through any thing. 

He did not leave me through my hardest times 

and He has not left me now. 

I will make it through what ever it is that I am struggling with now

and I will be stronger because of it. 

Looking up to the Littlest One

This weekend was a big weekend. 

Homecoming and a pageant. 

My beautiful baby sister was a hit. 

She won Most Photogenic, Miss Congeniality, and Future Queen.

I am so proud of her, 

and I believe that I was more nervous than her. 

As each of the girls walked across the stage they read their bios.

Each one had been asked who their role model was. 

As I sat there listening to my sister's bio,

and realizing that she was way more than they could ever say,

I realized that she was my role model. 

When I was 15 I was insecure, confused, and influenced. 

Madison, at 15, knows who she is, who she will be, and influences people. 

She wanted to get in shape....she did. 

She wanted to be in a pageant....she was. 

And when she was not crowned queen,

 she was still smiling and loving the girls that did. 

She loves people. 

She loves Jesus.

She loves family.

She is smart, funny, and beautiful. 

I very much loved carrying her around on my hip.

I loved those nights when she actually let me rock her to sleep. 

I loved how she use to copy me.

I love when she outed my dad dressed up as Santa at the 4 year old Christmas party. 

(that was really funny)

But I am loving her being a teenager. 

She is easy to talk to and fun to be around. 

She also keeps me aware of the latest trends. 

I am also looking forward to her future

 and the great friend I know she will be. 

Fear & His Friend

Well that little 4 letter word is back....

FEAR!!!

And this time it brought its friend anxiety. 

For the most part of my life,

I am easy going and care free. 

I can roll with the punches, and handle stress with a smile. 

But there are certain areas that I am a 

CONTROL FreaK!!!!!!!!

In parts of my life I am organized, diligent, and hard working. 

(I wish some of this would spill over into the other ares)

But I am not always in control. 

I often take responsibility for things that I don't have to 

because the small narcissistic part of my brain 

thinks things will go wrong if I don't take care of them. 

So as there are parts of my life that are changing

(despite my effort to keep them the same)

I have to give up control. 

So along with letting go of control I became anxious and fearful.

and at times unbearable

So the point of this post is simply one thing:

To let you know that I am feeling crazy right now. 

Fear and anxiety make me feel like I am losing my mind. 

I imaging that some of you can relate. 

Maybe some of you have figured this stuff out.

If you have please help a sister out. 

If not we can be crazy together. 

xoxo, 

Cary

FEAR is a four letter word

For a while now I have been praying for opportunity.

Opportunity for something new.....change....different.

Well I got a chance.

I got a chance to meet new people;

 a group of Christians around my age and in a similar place in life-

working on a career and some are no doubt single. 

So what did I do with the chance?

Nothing. Nada. Nothing
I know what you are thinking.
Cary, you had an answer to a prayer
and you let the opportunity pass.
Why?
Well I have only one word for you.
FEAR
I am scared.
I am afraid of rejection and judgment.
I am afraid that I will be older than everyone there.
I am afraid that will think it is weird for me to be 30,
 but still have not accomplished much with my life.
I am afraid that I wear my past where they can see;
very much like a big scarlet letter A.
I am afraid that they can see my insecurity.
I am afraid that they will sense my desperation for something different.
I am afraid that they will judge me for being over weight.
This list can just keep going.
I know what else you are thinking.
I was not given a spirit of fear.
The fear is the devil stilling my joy and my opportunity.
Knowing it and believing it is two very different things.
Trusting God is something that I am working on.
Depending on Him to walk through the fear is a goal.
Being honest about it is a step.
And He continues to teach me things every step of the way.

**The event that I missed is not a one time thing.
So maybe you will pray with me for the courage to step out of my comfort zone next time. 

I've Been Thinking

I have been sitting here for 30 minutes 

trying to think of what I can say about my no good very bad day, 

but I got nothing. 

And if I am honest with myself, 

you don't really want to listen to me complain about my day. 

So what to write......?

Well let me tell you what has been on my mind.
I am in a rut.
For as long as I can remember I have been a thinker.
I am constantly thinking, questioning, analyzing, and wondering.
My brain never shuts down.
I am always questioning my motives...
Why did I do that?
Why can't I let that go?
What am I doing wrong?
I mean for the love of Pete....when will it stop.

I have come to a realization.
I am always questioning myself,
but I never challenge myself.
I can always find what is wrong,
but I never focus on what is right.
I have spent enough time thinking.
Now it is time to do something.

........now I have to think about what I need to do.
 :)

To Tip or Not.....

.....that is the question. 

Ok bloggers I need to know,

Do you tip at Sonic or not?

And if you do tip how much do you tip?

Help a sister out. 

Long Time No Read

Hello there Bloggers!!!!

Y'all still out there? 

I know that it seems like I have been away for awhile, 

but I have been keeping up with you. 

I have not been able to blog for several reasons:

1) my internet connection was horrible

and my Mac book would not stay 

connected long enough to do anything

2) my blogger iPhone app doesn't work

3) I am no good at typing on my iPad.

But I have great news!!!

I am back in business. 

I have updated my internet provider

 and it is working great!

And not only did I get better internet, 

but I got HD DVR. 

This technology junky girl is one happy girl.

Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things. 

Random

Got an email this morning from blog.com saying that my blog was about to be deleted. 

I don't recall having a blog on that site. 

But I am now paranoid that my little piece of the internet will disappear

hence this totally random and pointless post. 

Happy Sunday. 

Static

A few days ago, while driving,

I was trying to listen to a specific song on my iPod.

The song is by Mac Powell off of "The Story Album" called When Love Sees You.

The song is written as if Jesus is singing it.

It is a very powerful song.

For some reason I kept getting static and could only hear parts of the song.

I just wanted to hear those words of Jesus.

It made me think of all the times that I have the chance but don’t listen.

God is communicating with me daily,

But sometimes I have so much static in my life that I don’t hear Him.

I get so focused on the “static” and lose site of what is important.

It reminded me of how important it is to stop and listen.

Does static ever distract you in your life? 

***Check out the song here. 

http://youtu.be/l2zHk95UnsE

A Spring Clean Life Change

As I sat in my living room this morning,

taking in how great it looks, I began to cry. 

It took me a few minutes to figure how exactly what the tears where for. 

I was crying because finally I am home. 

Yes I have lived here for 2 1/2 years and have not really felt at home. 

I have not felt truly at home in a long time. 

See my parents divorced during my freshman year of college

and sold the house I had lived in since 6 months old. 

I had a really hard time with that. 

I struggled feeling like I didn't have roots anywhere. 

From age 19 till 28 I moved a lot, 

never staying in one place too long. 

At my current home 

I have even got that feeling of wanting to run a few times. 

(But thankfully I have learned to work through it)

When I moved here I was down sizing.

I had so much stuff that I could not find a place for everything. 

Over time I let the frustration win. 

Thankfully I am blessed with  amazing friends 

that helped my suffering come to an end. 

I love my place. 

Finally I am home. 

Casa de Cary

Some friends came over and helped me spring clean today. 

My house is so amazing that I had to share. 

My Trip to the Pen

Last weekend I did a mission trip to Louisiana State Penitentiary in Angola, LA.

The first reaction I got for every one about my trip is "Are you scared?"

My answer was always NO!

I felt like it was something that I had been called for and was excited. 

I really did not know what to expect when I got there. 

All I knew the program was for the inmates and their children. 

(So I guess there was a little anxiety in not knowing.)

I have been on mission trips before and was expecting blessings.

I was not expecting to be moved in the ways I was. 

I felt love, compassion, sorrow, and pain. 

I spent the day with 1 family that included:

1 father and 5 children--3 girls and 2 boys. 

They ranged from 17 to 7 and I was their mommy for a day.

(I love that they named me that.)

And that is exactly what I did. 

I chance kids, held hands, wiped tears, hugged, fed mouths, 

made sure everyone got to do what they wanted, and all get loved on by dad. 

(Kudos to all you moms out there.)

I felt like I had known them forever. 

We had a blast. 

Not only was it fun but it was a blessing. 

I was reminded that each inmate is a child of God. 

When God sees each man that is what he sees...not the crime. 

For that day I saw the men too. 

The program was a Christian program, 

but I didn't have much time to talk about God. 

(Kind of hard to take away the attention of their daddy on this one day a year.)

Even though I left that family physically,

they have been with me each since. 

I can't stop thinking about the family....the dad. 

I know that what he did was wrong and devastating. 

But he is human. Just like me. 

He was born into the same sinful world I was. 

He makes bad decisions just like I do. 

He has consequences like I do too. 

God loves us both in spite of what we have done. 

And in God's eyes his sin is no worse than mine. 

God wants us with Him equally. 

I know that not every one will share my thoughts on prisoners. 

I am not here to argue with anyone. 

I am just sharing my experience. 

I felt the presence of God that day on the prison grounds. 

I also felt God's pain. 

He doesn't want His children to sin, 

but He also doesn't want us to hate or judge each other. 

I am blessed that for that day my heart broke like God's. 

Oh the places I'll go

10 Days of CARY: Day 4

Oh the places I’ll go…

I love to travel.

I grew up traveling all around the country.

I have been to Mexico, Canada, The Grand Canyon, 

Washington D.C. 2x’s, and lots of other places.

There are still lots of places that I want to go though. 

Here are my top choices.

New York City

Hollywood

San Francisco

Las Vegas

Seattle

England

Italy

Paris

I have already visited many of the states

 but I think it would be cool to say I’ve been to every state.

Where are some places that you have visited that I should add to my list. 

That Girl

10 Days of CARY: Day 3

I am that girl…

…that will send the most random text messages with the goal of letting someone know they are on my mind and hopefully make them smile.

…that will sit in the middle of the floor at the book store to read books off the shelf.

…that gets supper excited over getting an email address at work.

…that girl that gets excited over the little things in life.

….that doesn’t watch a lot of TV but always has it on. I like the sound of conversation.

….who will sing every word of every song on the radio even if I don’t like it.

….that sings along with the songs playing in stores.

…..that hits the snooze button for about 30 minutes every morning.

…..that checks Facebook and Twitter way to many times a day.

….who jokes around with people that I like.

...who likes to be silly.

....who really does care about the people that will read this blog. 

What's the name about?

Ten Days of CARY: Day 2

As all you bloggers know the blog name is SOOOO important. 

It has to be special and represent you. 

And if you read my post yesterday, each blog post is a little part of me. 

Little piece of Sunshine is more than a name to me. 

I have had many nicknames in my life time....

Sunshine was one of my favorite names. 

It represents some of my most memorable complements. 

So thats how I came up with it....

each post is a little piece of me that I want to share with you. 

**image found on google.com

Why I Blog

Ten Days of CARY: Day 1

Today is 10 days till my birthday. 

30th birthday at that. 

So I thought that what better way to spend the days leading up to my birthday 

then letting you get to know me. 

Today I decided to tell you why I blog. 

I know that I have not been consistent with my blog in a while. 

But you have to understand that my post are not just post they are a part of me. 

With my job, somedays I just don't have anymore to give. 

I promise that I am working on learning how to balance because I do what to blog more. 

I love it. 

When I started blogging in 2008 the blog was anonymous.  

I was still using and really depressed. 

There were many days that I had no hope and wanted it all to end. 

I was afraid to open up and tell someone how hopeless I was. 

So I started a blog and shared my feelings through pomes and writing. 

Some of my first writings were the some of the darkest days in my life. 

Then after I got sober I wanted to continue to share my journey. 

I wanted to talk about the good things that were happening. 

I wanted to share with the world how amazing God had been in my life, 

and share of hope that He can offer. 

I know my blog is not the best. 

Like I said before I am not the most committed person. 

I enjoy this community. 

I enjoy sharing my story and my journey. 

So the bottom line is I blog because it is an outlet for me. 

I like to blog. 

I like to share. 

I love meeting new people and getting to know them. 

I love that blogging is a way to meet people that I may have never known before. 

My Angel

It has been 10 years since you left us.

Ten years and I still miss you. 

I wonder what life would be like with you here.

I know that the years you were here mattered to so many.

I remember our love, fun, fights, and apologies. 

You taught me about so much. 

I hope that I would still be someone worth to be your best friend.

I know that one day we will be reunited. 

That will be a day of great joy.

I love you Brooke!

Now and forever!

Four Years of Freedom

Four years ago today my world was changed in the best way possible. 

I walked away from a 5 year crippling drug addiction that was stealing my life.

But this was no ordinary event.

It was by God's grace I was saved.

I had tried to get sober before with no success, 

but on April 17, 2008 God broke the chains.

I have never had the desire to get high again. 

This still amazes me to this day.

It is unheard of for people in recovery to not have a thought of using.

But God never does play by the rules.

I struggle with other things, 

but using is not one of them. 

I am amazed every day at the things that have happened in my life over the past 4 years. 

I have finished school, started a career, lived in 1 place alone for 2 years,

work with youth, made great friends, 

and had the opportunity to share my story with others. 

I remember the dark and hopeless days of using very well.

I never could have imagined feeling the way I do today.

I feel free, happy, carefree, and hopeful.

I cannot imagine how life could be any better.

I have enough to be grateful for the rest of my life.

I know that there are a lot of people out there that are broken and bonded to many things.

I pray that my life can make a difference in the lives of others by sharing my struggles.

If you are struggling or know someone who is let me know. 

I am free to talk or pray for anyone at any time. 

If you are reading this now you have been prayed for. 

The Woman in Black Book

So after seeing the movie I had to read the book.

I felt the movie left out the deeper story of the woman in black,

and I had to find out what it was.

Well I was a little disappointed in the book.

I felt that the movie actually added some substance to the story.

It wasn't a bad read.

I read it really quick...about 1 day.

But I prefer the movie version better.

I'm Loving It

So here are a few things that are making me smile lately.

I love these little oranges. 

They are yummy and cute.

Spring finger nail polishes. 

I just bought 3 new colors and I love them.

I started over with season 1.

And am falling in love all over again.

Spring is in the air.

And flowers are blooming.

Only 2 weeks and I'll be at the beach!!!

What are you loving?

Divergent

Attention book lovers!!!!

I have stumbled upon the next great series. 

I read Divergent right after The Hunger Games. 

I LOVED the book. 

I could not put it down. 

It is another futuristic society.

The people are divided into personality type communities. 

These communities define their way of lives and jobs.

I cannot stress to you how much I loved it.

The next book comes out in May.

I cannot wait.

Check it out and let me know what you think. 

Oh, How Pinteresting!!!

Well one good thing about being sick is I am catching up on blogging. 

And I have time to participate in one of my favorite link ups. 

Here are some things that caught my eye on Pinterest this week:

Great style for work

Must have Coach bag

A great reminder for a princess :)

A little funny

Timeless beauty 

Inspiration for a beautiful bedroom make over. 

The Hunger Games Trilogy

I finished up the trilogy before the movie came out, 

and I LOVED it!!!

It was good. 

I was sucked in from the beginning. 

I wasn't sure if I would like the post apocalyptical period, 

but I liked it a lot!!

My favorite book was Catching Fire (even though it was a slow start.)

I was team Peeta from the start.  

The ending was unconventional, 

but I still liked it. 

It fit the story.

And hey every once in a while unconventional is good. 

I love to watch how movies are adapted from the book. 

I love to see how the interpretation matches up to the picture in my mind. 

The great thing about the movie was it brought my imagination to life. 

I thought it was a great interpretation of the book. 

I loved it!!!

It stinks that we have to wait until November 2013 for Catching Fire. 

What did you think? 

Bust A Move

My church is AWESOME!!!!

I am so blessed to be part of a church that makes God, Jesus, and Life fun. 

But I digress. 

This year I got to be apart of a really fun project. 

The members of the church got to be a part of an evolution of dance video. 

So of course I went out a busted a move!!!

It was SOOOOO much fun. 

It was a once in a life time experience....for me anyway. 

So with it is my great pleasure to present for your laughter enjoyment....

MY MAD DANCE SKILLS!!!!

(I make my main appearance at around 1:25)

VIDEO Link

And if you feel like you need a little something different this Easter 

you can also watch the service.

SERMON Link

Enjoy

Steroid Shots = Devil

Yes, I dare say that steroid shots are the devil. 

I usually avoid shots at all cost. 

I have a fear of needles!!!

But today I fought the fear and got the shot. 

With out a panic attack or tears. 

In fact I was not nervous at all.

 I just exposed the hip and got the stick. 

I guess feeling really bad trumps fear. 

And, believe it or not, 

it didn't hurt during the shot and just a little stinging after. 

So you ask..."If it didn't hurt Cary why the devil stuff?"

Well because I now not only feel bad but I am FULL of energy. 

It is not a good feeling. 

I don't know what to do with my self,

and I am starting to feel a little crazy. 

What is a girl to do? 

I can't clean.........I get dizzy when I am moving around.

I can't watch a movie or read....can't focus. 

There is no one to talk to.....it is almost midnight on a work night. 

(and PS I have been sick since Saturday 

so I am starving for some human interaction)

So what's a girl to do?

Write a POINTLESS blog post to share her sufferings with the world.

And when the girl is done with said blog post?

Only time will tell. 

Finding Comfort

I don't know about you but I am one of those people that when I am down or upset I turn to certain things for comfort.
I have comfort food-Ben & Jerry's, Hawaiian pizza, and of course diet coke.
Comfort tv- Golden Girls makes me feel comfortable. (yes I realize this is strange but I have been watching it since I was in high school)
Comfortable place- my sister's, mom, or dad's house
Just hearing my mama and daddy's voices makes me feel better.
I even have a special blanket. (it is actually a fitted bed sheet...long story that needs its own post)
Over the past few days I have been in the need for comfort, and the regular stuff just isn't working it.
I was so graciously reminded that God is a God of comfort.
Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
During these days of struggle I have not been able to eat good or sleep good. My mind has been racing, thinking of a million things at once. So at this moment I need rest. I have spent time in prayer, in the word, and just being still. I have even asked trusted friends to pray for me and with me. And in the midst of all the worry I have found rest. I have a peace that transcends all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)
So if you need comfort don't struggle alone. Let Jesus carry you through your troubles. Let me be your prayer partner. If you are reading this you are prayed for already. I love you and God loves you.

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