Sunday, October 7, 2012

FEAR is a four letter word

For a while now I have been praying for opportunity.
Opportunity for something new.....change....different.
Well I got a chance.
I got a chance to meet new people;
 a group of Christians around my age and in a similar place in life-
working on a career and some are no doubt single. 
So what did I do with the chance?
Nothing. Nada. Nothing
I know what you are thinking.
Cary, you had an answer to a prayer
and you let the opportunity pass.
Well I have only one word for you.
I am scared.
I am afraid of rejection and judgment.
I am afraid that I will be older than everyone there.
I am afraid that will think it is weird for me to be 30,
 but still have not accomplished much with my life.
I am afraid that I wear my past where they can see;
very much like a big scarlet letter A.
I am afraid that they can see my insecurity.
I am afraid that they will sense my desperation for something different.
I am afraid that they will judge me for being over weight.
This list can just keep going.
I know what else you are thinking.
I was not given a spirit of fear.
The fear is the devil stilling my joy and my opportunity.
Knowing it and believing it is two very different things.
Trusting God is something that I am working on.
Depending on Him to walk through the fear is a goal.
Being honest about it is a step.
And He continues to teach me things every step of the way.

**The event that I missed is not a one time thing.
So maybe you will pray with me for the courage to step out of my comfort zone next time. 

1 comment:

tara said...

fear can get the best of all of us! stepping out of your comfort zone is so hard, but you can do it! :)