Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Exposed Wounds

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1: 2-4

As a counselor, I know that to heal from something you must face it head on. I know to grow and be free from pains of the past you must deal with them. I know that to learn from the past you must process the pain. As a Christian, I know that to grow in Christ and live the fullest life He promised in John 10:10 I must let Him reveal to me what hurts I am holding on to. I know that to be truly healed I must be completely broken. 

I am at the place of brokenness now. I have known it was coming for a while, but I don't think that I expected it to be so intense here. Mainly because I thought that I had healed from so much. What I have learned is that I have been aware of my brokenness for so long, but have dealt with nothing. I prayed for God to show me where I need healing, and He did. 

I am very good a bottling things up so when it came out it was an explosion of emotions. I cried (a lot), got angry, scared, felt alone, shame, guilt, and hopelessness. Then God stepped in and I felt His love, presence, and peace. But this is only the beginning. 

Last night I sat at dinner with one of my very best friends, but felt scared. See when the brokenness came it felt like a scab had been picked. As I sat there with her I felt like my wound was exposed and that she could see right down to my soul. I felt vulnerable. I wanted to run to my car crying, drive home, and hide under the covers. I hated that feeling. I used to hid feelings like that with drugs. But there in front of someone that I have shared my deepest desires and hang ups with I felt uncovered. And I realized that in 2 1/2 years of being sober I haven't grieved the life I lived. And I have not processed the pain that I went through. I have been aware of it all along, but only on the surface. These wounds run deep, but I know that this is where the healing begins.  

I know that I can do this with God. He will not leave me exposed for long, but the scab had to be picked for the wound to truly heal. I know that the scab will turn into a scar that I carrie forever. I will remember it's pain, but I will not suffer from the wound anymore. Peter reminds me, "So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while." (1 Peter 1:6)

This time will be hard, but I know that release waits on the other side of the pain. Are you covering a wound? Do you have a scab that needs to be picked? I would love to pray for you if you are going through something painful.

**feel free to email me carydtaylor@gmail.com if you would like me to pray for you or with you. 


Sonya said...

Always praying for you my dear!

allie-mac-fallie said...

love it! thanks for sharing :)