He Shows Up

God is always amazing me. Always showing me how real He is and how involved He is in ever second of my life. Yesterday I was struggling hard. I have trust issues and have had them for some time. I sometimes expect people to hurt when they have given me no reason to believe that. I guess you could say that I have been hurt in the past, but I don’t want to live like that any more. I don’t want to live in the hurt, pain, or paranoia. Yesterday I had enough of being in my head, so I started to pray. I told God that this was driving me crazy (which He already knew), and that I needed him to walk me through. That night I opened the book I am reading and before I had even finished reading the 1st verse I knew that He was talking to me. The entire chapter was about trusting Him to fix the pains of the past. I know he can do it to. He always comes through for me, and He will always come through for you. Trust Him…..I do!!!

My Christmas Spirit

Today I was sitting in church, the music was fabulous, the Spirit of God was around me, tears streamed down my face, and I had an amazing realization. This year is probably the first year that I have truly understood the Christmas Spirit. I love Christmas…always have. Even though in the past I start the season jolly by the time the day comes I am full of stress from the holiday hassle. On Christmas day I always just want to give, get, eat, and leave. This year it is much more than that. Yes there will be presents and eating, but that will not be all. I will be with family and friends celebrating what Christmas is all about….Jesus and that one day all those years ago when a baby was born. When the Savior came down from heaven to walk amongst us. It gives me chills just thinking of all the magic that happened there in that manger. So this Christmas I know that the Spirit doesn’t just last for a season, but It lives in my soul forever.

The Purpose Driven Life

AMAZING BOOK! I Just recently went through 40 days of purpose with my church family and my small group. I can not even begin to explain to you how incredible the journey was. The book breaks through all the new age non sense about “the secret of life”. It talks about living in God’s purpose on purpose. The book was a true blessing to me as well as the experience. I recommend it to everyone. 2 thumbs way way up!!!

If Men Are Like Buses Why Can't I Catch One

I want to start off by saying: Do not let the title confuse you. I am did not read this book because I am desperate for a man. I read it because 1) my sister recommended it, and I value her opinion. (She didn’t read it because she is desperate for a man either.) 2) I love the author, Michelle McKinney Hammond. This book is not at all about how to snag a man. It is about falling in love with you Lord and Savior, and building an intimate relationship with Him. She stresses the importance in allowing God to transform you into a virtuous woman and resting in the fact that God will bring your mate to you. It was exactly what I needed to read at the time. I recommend it to all single women that long for a relationship or those who have been hurt. 2 thumbs up!

Christmas Volunteering

Last night I volunteered at a Christmas musical for local children’s shelter put on by my church. When I first heard of the event I was confused….I said to my self, “Children’s shelter? They have children’s shelter in Lafayette?” Well they do. It is for children with no parents or children that cannot be with their parents for one reason or another.

The theme of the event was searching for the greatest treasure on Earth. The children got to sample foods from different countries and watch a musical. The whole event was great. I met people, made a friend, got to serve God, eat good food, and be entertained. My heart was tickled getting to see the children of the church share treasure of Jesus and presents with the children of the shelter. I was humbled when a girl around 13 years old stood up and said, “I want to thank you for all the presents, the food, and for helping me. I want you to know that I will work really hard to get my life straightened out.” I am tearing up just typing the words. All those kids have been let down and maybe even emotionally scared at such a young age. It is so sad, but it makes me grateful. I know Jesus and have relationship with him. I trust that he is going to take care of me. Even the most honorable person will let you down but in Hebrews 13:5 God said, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”

So I am challenging my self this Christmas season to be grateful for what I have, give to someone that has less, and spend time with my Heavenly Father. I challenge you too, and please keep the children of the shelter in your prayers.

My Salvation

I have spent a lot of time lately reflecting on my salvation and exactly when Jesus came into my heart. I walked down the isle and got dunked for the first time around age 12 I think. I was just going through the motions I think. At 20 I did the deal again. Weather you want to say I got saved or rededicated my life, something really changed that time. I knew Jesus was mine then. My life changed, and I dove in. Head over heals I was chasing after Christ. It was after I had started to consider surrendering to what I thought was God’s call that I did some of the worst things in my life. I did more than back slide. I turned and ran from God. I was living in the world and Satan was after my soul. After five years of battling, God brought me back. He picked up the pieces of my broken spirit and kissed my bleeding wounds. I rededicated my life to Him since then and want him to have my all. I have spent a great deal of time wondering how I could live the life style I lived with Jesus living in my heart? And I promise he was there during the bad parts, and I could feel his heart breaking. Well God helped me to figure that one out. At 20 I gave my life to Christ and believed he could save me, but I didn’t trust that he could or would handle all the rest. I spent a lot of time then struggling to build a relationship on something I didn’t understand. It took me going close to the fire pits of hell, forgetting all I believed, and feeling lost with no hope of finding my way back to really understand how big God is. I called out to Him in a moment of unbelief and He was there. He has been there the whole time, and He will always be there. What I realized is I had to hit rock bottom so that He could rescue me; so I could understand what it meant to be saved. Then I could begin to get the big picture. Now I know I owe it all to him. He gave me life, saved my life, and now I live for Him.

Thanksgiving....Past, Present, Future

Typically Thanksgiving is not one of my favorite holidays. The past couple of years Thanksgiving was a horrible reminder of what horrible event had happened the year before. Last Thanksgiving I believe was a all time low of Thanksgiving disasters for me, so naturally I was a little nervous about Thanksgiving this year. Still things have changed so much over the past year for me, and to my delight I was also extremely excited about the holiday for the first time in years. This year I have SO much to be grateful for. I try to spend some time each day in thanks giving. I felt this year that I would actually spend the holiday doing what it was meant for. I am so happy to tell you that my Thanksgiving experiences have turned from bad to awesome!!! I had great food, fellowship, and fun. I enjoyed every moment of it. As I reflect on the changes in my life from last Thanksgiving to this one I am in awe of what God can do. I am also excited about what He is doing. Last year I was living in the dark, this year I am dancing daily in the light, and only God can know where I will be next year. There is something that I have learned from the past and the present that I will carry into the future; we were given God's grace even though we don't deserve it, and that grace is so magnificent and for that He deserves thanks everyday.

Inconstant Man and Moon

Tonight is the night of a full moon.
I am just sitting here starring; letting it mesmerize me.
The moon is beautiful tonight.

It is the kind of moon that makes you feel like falling in love.

No matter how long I sit beneath it’s glory,
The cynic inside does not subside.
I am forever aware of how fickle the moon is.

I think Shakespeare’s Juliet said it best:
“O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,”


You know,
The moon reminds me of him…
Beautiful, mysterious, and forever inconstant.

Birds

I love to watch a flock of birds,
the way they stay in perfect formation with every change.
It reminds me of ballerinas,
spending hours practicing to perfect each move and position,
insuring the peace is graceful and elegant.
Yet the birds are more magnificent,
they need not practice,
their grace is em bread within.
Elegance is their way of life,
it is in their blood to soar with the sky as their stage.

Wind and Waves

I love the way the wind dances across the water
The way the water’s surface goes from glass like
To having the slightest little ripple as it tip toes and twirls across the top
It’s dance ever changing and reflecting the mood of the wind
With its slow waltz the water is still calm but its flow noticeable
Or the cha cha when the wind wants you to play
And the tango showing power and passion when the water swells with waves
I love the way that the wind dances into waves

I am here…. basking in the sun. I love the way it kisses my skin warming it with its glow, as the wind whips around me with its cool hugs. My body exposed represents my life of past and cheerful birds singing represent the future ahead. I am full of gratefulness, joy, hope, cheer, and peace. I think I’ll dance around just because it feels good. Today I am….HAPPY!

Confides of My mInD

major confusion clutters my brain along with the overload of misconceptions that already occupy the space. the jumbled conglomeration makes it more challenging for new ideas to enter. yet the still enter spastically at a high velocity. the intensity of the events occurring with in this confined space procedures weapons of mass distraction that will soon destroy the place.

My Happy Sunshine Place

The tint of the glasses is the color of the past,
As I write the words that are already written.
The sounds of school kids playing fills the air.
My skin is kissed by the radiance of the sun beams surrounding me.
The wind runs it's fingers through my hair.
I am completely in this moment,
Perched here high on top of this magical fortress.
This is my happy place.

Marylin Monroe

Her eyes follow me around the room, leaving me no where to hid.
Her seductive stare is a facade, trying to mesmerize me so that she can have what she wants.
Her beauty taunts me, constantly reminding me that I am only a guest here.
Her persona changes form, transcending from the photo.
Her goal is deceit, gained from manipulating the hearts that dwell at this place.

Your Gun

Loaded Gun
Cocked and ready
Finger on the trigger

BRING IT ON!!!!
Bullet come fast
END it Quickly

Here I am once again

On the road that has no end

The sights are different everytime

but a new destination will never be mine

I hope and I pray with all of my might

that my course will change and spare my life

Your NESS

Have you ever noticed the things that people do that completely represent who they are? You know the little things that seem to project their personality and tell you exactly who they are.

For example, one of my bff's for the last ten years obseivly loves the color orange, has no clue (or care) about how loud she is, has the worest memory, is a self proclaimed hippy, and loves garage sale stuff. Now I will be the first to admit that sometimes all her stuff can be overbearing, but without them she wouldn't be her. These are the things that I love about her.

But each trait individually is insignificiant. I mean tons of people like orange. It is all the little things combined together that make up who she is or her ness. That is what i like to call it, her Amandaness (her name is Amanda).

I bet that you would have to think real hard to come up with some things that are unique to you. Hell I bet lots of people out there that don't even know one thing that they do that is just a part of who they are. I love looking for the ness in people that I am around. It is amazing what you can learn about people when you start identifying their ness. I also like looking for my ness. Sometimes it is a little hard, but it is real fun to ask friends and family what they think your ness is.

So my challenge to you and to myself is to look for your ness and find out who you are.