I Forget

Yesterday I got to have coffee with two women that I had just met. They are both older—around my mom’s age I would guess. They are both Christ followers and the conversation was amazing. At the end of our meeting they stated to me that they admired how confident I am in Christ. I think it was probably one of the best compliments of my life, but to be honest, I was shocked.

See I don’t see myself as others do. I see an insecure, unworthy, unqualified, and at times emotional unbalanced woman. If I am being really honesty, I sometimes have a hard time calling myself a woman. Sometimes I still like a struggling young adult fresh out of adolescents. I am so hard on myself. I may be harder on myself than anyone else ever will be.

I forget that Jesus see’s me so very differently. I forget that I am washed by grace as a daughter of the one true King. I forget that He knew me in my mother’s womb. I forget that He knows the numbers of hairs on my head. I forget that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It is easy for me to point out good qualities in others, but not in myself. My prayer now is that I start to see myself as God see’s me. Someone that He loves so much He sent His Son to the cross to die for my sins so that I can spend eternity with Him. That is who I am and who I want to be.

Not Ready Yet

I am a journaler. 

I love journals. 

I love to get everything out at the end of the day. 

It is a release of emotions for me. 

When I get done journaling, 

 I feel the weight of the day is lifted. 

I try to journal daily. 

Even if it just one word or one sentence, 

I try to get it out. 

But lately I can't journal. 

I haven't journaled since March, 

and I have so much that I am carrying around since then. 

So much to get out. 

In March my Mamaw got sick. 

Very sick. 

She had surgery and was in the hospital for a while. 

After surgery she was in ICU for about 2 weeks (I think).

And after almost a month of fighting she died. 

It was hard. 

It is still hard. 

And I can't journal. 

I am afraid. 

 I know when I do it will hurt. 

Just writing this now hurts. 

I miss her so much. 

During my Mamaw's sickness, 

 I experienced some life changing moments. 

I experienced things that I have not ever experienced. 

I lost one of the people that I loved the most. 

And I know she loved me unconditionally. 

I know that when I finally journal after the pain comes relief. 

I am just not ready yet. 

I know she would want me to write. 

And I will, just not yet. 

The Anti Gossip

GOSSIP 

I have to admit that it sucks me in time after time. It even sneaks up on me sometimes. I think that I am actually doing something good in “venting” my frustration or getting informed on what is going on around me. I guess it is not a big shock with the society we live in. We have weekly magazines published to tell us all the latest buzz of celebrities and their day-to-day lives. I try really hard to distance myself from gossip until boom I am right back in the middle of it again.

Tonight I met with my weekly Bible study group and we did something a little different. We talked about people that weren’t there. We even talked about each other. The thing that was different was that we only said good things about every person we talked about. It felt good to hear people say nice things about me, but that wasn’t a big surprise. The thing that shocked me is how good it felt to talk about those other people. We really focused on the things that we loved about them. It was awesome.

It has made me stop and think. What if we did that often? What if we did it in work settings? With our friends? With our families? What if we pointed out peoples good qualities instead of their faults? What if we built people up instead of tearing them down? What kind of difference could we make if we spread love instead of hate? 

TODAY!!!

Today is a big day.

Today is a milestone.

Today marks a change in my life

—the best thing that has ever happened to me.

5 years ago today I walked away from a life style of sin and shame.

Each day that I live free from the bondage of that life is a gift,

 and I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to have been saved.

To my family: I love you dearly and could not have made it without you.

To my new friends: Thank you for looking beyond my past 

and seeing who I am today.

To my old friends: You are forever in my heart 

and I apologize for the many ways I failed to be a good friend to you.

To ALL: Remember there is always hope and freedom.

Love to all,

Cary 

XOXO

Tonight I went to a small group that I have been going to for a few months. 

Tonight it was a little bit later and at a different home.

As I drove there I realized that I had driven this road before. 

(In actuality I drive this road daily but go with me.)

One of the houses I frequented when I was using

 is across the street from the home of my new friends. 

It almost brought me to tears thinking of how much my life has changed. 

And it would not have changed without Jesus. 

Almost 5 years after walking away from that life, 

I continue to be in awe of what Jesus has done for me. 

I wish that I could tell everybody. 

I did nothing to deserve this life. 

I am no more important than anyone else. 

He wants to change all of our lives in crazy ways. 

That is who He is. 

He loves you just as much as He loves me. 

He saved me so that I could tell others. 

I want you to know that you are loved. 

You are prayed for. 

There is a love that you have never imagined. 

There is freedom and peace that I cannot explain. 

When I started this post I planned it going in a different way. 

Somewhere along the way it took a form of it's on. 

Happy Valentine's Day. 

Where is the Sun?

Sometimes my mind sees things so simply. 

For instance, when it is cloudy and there is no trace of the sun

I think that the sun and blue sky have gone away, 

as if they were over some other place far away. 

I forget that the sun is actually right behind those dark rainy clouds. 

There has been a lot of gray skies in my part of the world lately. 

There was finally a break in the clouds and, to my surprise,

there was the bright sunshine and blue sky. 

It made me think about hard times in each of our lives. 

I know that there are times that I wonder 

if God is paying attention to me or is he paying attention to someone else? 

Seeing the sun peak out from behind the clouds made me realize, 

He is always there. 

Even when it looks dark and it is not apparent that he is there

He is. 

He always is. 

A Confident Heart

Chapter 1

I am really excited to be doing an online Bible study. 

For 1 reason it is new and fun and I can meet new bloggers. 

2 the book is just what I need to be reading. 

Recently I have become aware that, 

even at 30, I am driven by insecurity. 

I pray that God shines light on the confidence He has planned for us. 

Hidden God

Scrolling through Twitter yesterday I saw a tweet 

that was referencing 

the school shooting in Newtown. 

It was to Dave Ramsey, 

a well known Christian finance guy. 

The tweet said, "Where is your God now?" 

Dave had a great answer that spoke no words of hate. 

The question made me sad, 

but I realized that there are probably 

tons of people asking that same question.

"Where was God?"

I have no doubt

 that God was right where He was suppose to be.

I believe that He was there in the school. 

I believe He was in the classrooms and hallways. 

I believe that He spoke courage to the hearts of the teachers, 

and wrapped love around those sweet babies. 

I also believe He was with those that were lost. 

I believe He was there to welcome them home. 

I believe that He took them all in His arms 

and led them out of harms way. 

Where He took them they will have no more hurt or tears. 

They will forever be in the presence of Jesus. 

Some people believe that tragic events like this prove there is no God. 

I think that it proves the exact opposite. 

I believe it shows that we are all searching for something bigger than us;

something to guide and protect us. 

I know that God can use anything for His glory. 

I do not understand why this happened to these people. 

I cannot see the big picture, 

but I trust in my God. 

I trust that He has a plan. 

I trust that He will never leave those that love Him. 

God promised us that we would have hard times, 

but He also promised that He would be there through it all. 

So in hard times I turn to Him. 

I pray for His love and peace be with those that have lost so much. 

I pray that through this lives are changed. 

I pray that we learn that hate will not heal our wounds.

I pray that there is love sparked in our hearts for our brothers and sisters.

*Picture found on Google 

Retreat

My last few weekends have been great. 

They have been full of family, friends, and food.

I have been to 2 very important high school foot ball games, 

and 1 fantastic wedding. 

I have visited with family and ran into old friends. 

For about 3 weeks I have not stopped. 

I have had a great time,

but I am pooped. 

I slept almost all day. 

I have not spoken to anyone. 

I just laid around and rested. 

And it has been fantastic. 

It just reminds me how important it is to rest. 

I mean think about it,

Even Jesus retreated to the mountains. 

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break my bones 

but words will never hurt me."

That saying may be one of the biggest lies I have ever heard.

Words can hurt.

Words have power to damage and destroy.

Sometimes those hurts can last a life time. 

But words also have the power to heal and bring hope.

Let's think about it.

God spoke the world into existence.

In Genesis we are told that God said,

 "Let there be...." and there was.

In Proverbs it is said, "The tongue has the power of life and death."

(Proverbs 18:21 NIV)

That is a lot of power found just in spoken words.

Our world is full of hate today.

The words that are being spoken are hateful.

What is really sad is that very often 

it is the words of God's people that are fueling hate. 

As followers of Christ, 

our words should be set apart from the words of the world.

Ephesians 4: 29 says, 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, 

but only what is helpful for building others up 

according to their needs, 

that it may benefit those who listen."

In my job I have an opportunity to speak

 words of encouragement into the lives of many.

What God is revealing to me is that,

 outside of my counseling moments,

in other aspects of my life I am not so careful with my words.

I am not always speaking word of life and truth.

My prayer for myself is that 

I not be a person that speaks words of destruction into the lives of others, 

but to speak words of love that inspire change and dreams. 

What kind of words are you saying to others?

Are you speaking words of hope or hurt?